The Real Reason

Ok, I’ve just been looking back at my blog, and lately it reads like a romance novel. So, to be just a bit more serious, if that is a good idea. Don’t worry, I won’t get too serious! I came here for healing of HIV, and although I may still have the virus, the entities(energy beings) are really working on so many levels, from the spiritual right down to the grass roots physical. I don’t yet have the awareness to know exactly what is going on, so I just have to believe, have faith and act like a healthy man.

My biggest healing this time was the opening of my heart, and the realisation of possibilities. Life with hiv can be a pretty loveless and lonely journey, and so for me to meet someone as special and natural as Ralf, and to feel a powerful connection was so overwhelming. At worst, I have found a good friend (what a consolation) and at best my soul mate. I may look at this blog in a few months or years and cringe, but I can only speak my truth as I see it at this moment. Life really is an endless journey, so to all those hiv’ers out there, I beg you to start living, find your way back to health, back to love. I’ve learned to start loving myself here in Abadiania, and you could too.

Life is Good

Today is Saturday, and I leave tomorrow for colder and wetter climes. Fantastic! In a way, I will be glad to get home. I have a Life Coaching business that desperately wants to grow, so I need to go home and nurture it, nourish it and let it expand naturally.

So what can I take from my month in Abadiania? Well, it was like three trips all rolled into one. People come and go, and the energy changes so much. First of all, in my first week, I was close to two Australian women. Beautiful souls. I really wish them well. Louise and Julie! We had fun, and we laughed a lot. The best healer of all!

Then there was Ralf! What can I say that hasn’t already been said? We have kept in touch every day since he arrived back in Germany, and I have a strong feeling that this may be the beginning of something special. Or maybe not! Who knows? But what I can take from my experience is a huge amount of joy, fun, and dare I say it, Love!! We bonded in such a beautifully surprising way. I was totally being myself, and I think he was too, but you know what holiday romances are like! They’re amazing whilst you’re still on holiday but when you see each other again, it’s shit, and you wonder why you ever liked the person in the first place. Well, that is my experience anyway. But this time it may be different. We weren’t really on holiday. This was a spiritual, healing retreat.

But you know what? I’m going to take it easy. My heart was opened, and I think I have a lot of ghosts to put to rest and a lot of forgiving to do; starting with myself. Ralf was a shining light that helped me see what is possible. Am I being too romantic? Who knows?

Anyway, never mind! I leave tomorrow and my journey back home is a long one. But this chapter has been beautiful, and I am so grateful to have met some amazing people. Life is good!!

So, if anyone with hiv is reading this, then let me tell you that after you get over the shock, get back on your feet and start living your life. Life can be beautiful, if you open yourself to possibility. Live in possibility, thrive in the passion, and be who you were born to be. Sounds off the wall to some people, and to others impossible. But you create your life. So start creating something special, something sacred. You never know what will happen. I wish you well!

Who’s to blame for my shame?

Well, it’s still thursday and I’ve just come back from the Casa, after seeing John of God. I was in what you call the Revision line, which is basically an energy check-up to see if my operation from last week went okay.

After the operation, it’s important to keep your sexual energy down, but it’s been so hard, if you know what I mean. I don’t think I’ve ever been so horny in all my life. But the entity just looked at me and smiled. But it didn’t stop me from still feeling shame! I guess even spiritual people are allowed to have a hard-on.

Anyway, my time here is nearly over for another six months or so, and in a way I will be glad to get home to see my friends and family, though I will miss the relaxed pace of life in Brazil. But everytime I go home I take a piece of it with me.

If anyone is serious about transforming their life, or maybe have a disease that doctors say is ‘incurable’ then I would recommend you research John of God, and jump on a plane and get here as soon as you can.

It’s good to take a step back

So, today is thursday and the casa healing days have started again. I was in current this morning (meditating), receiving some very powerful energy. I asked the entities for some clarity and balance, and to help me get things back into perspective. I also asked them to heal old relationship issues and insecurities that sometimes rear their ugly heads.

So anyway Ralf has been in touch a few times, and it’s been really nice talking to him again. But I feel that I have been getting so carried away with all the excitement of meeting such a wonderful person, that I have lost some sense of balance, dare I call it self-control. I know he may be reading this, like all the other posts he has read. But as I don’t want to scare the poor guy off, I think it might be good to take a step back. The thing is, I haven’t really conncected with anyone for such a long time, even years before I got sick, and so for this to happen, well it’s quite shocking to say the least. Maybe I should just go with the flow and let life happen; the same advice I give to all my clients. Did I mention that I am a Life Coach??

You know, it’s really funny. I came here for healing, and I got so much more. I got the opportunity to meet a great guy, open my heart, and potentially make a great friend. This really is a huge factor in my healing process. The reason, as far as I’m aware, that I contracted hiv was that I was so unhappy, couldn’t connect with anyone, and was totally closed down. Was I searching for love, and confusing it with sex? Was I reaching out, trying to find some connection, but just looking in the wrong place? Who knows? But what I do believe is that I have had so many gifts in life and have chosen to see them as obstacles, hindrances, and disasters. Every day is a gift! It’s all a question of perspective.

So what I can take away from my time here in Abadiania is that I had a wonderful experience. All the boxes were ticked; even boxes I never knew were on the page, and for this I am so grateful. Nevertheless, it’s good to stand back and gain some clear perspective. Life goes on, and I have a virus to say goodbye to and a business to develop. But I can take comfort in the fact that I experienced something beautiful and natural, and when it comes around again, I’ll recognise it. God knows, it took me long enough this time!

Going through the motions

Ok, so today is the last free day before healing starts again, and it’s pissing down. It’s still quite warm, so I can’t really complain.

So, is this post going to be about Ralf again? I don’t think so! But I do still miss the closeness, that lovely exciting feeling that I had all last week. When I wake up in the morning, I forget for just a second that he’s no longer in the next room, but then reality sets in, and I feel less than totally enthralled about spending my days going through the motions.

And you know what, everytime I fart, i just can’t help but think of him. Who says romance is dead??

In a way, I hope he never reads this, because I sound like a right nutter! But I just can’t get over how much fun I had, and how those feelings that I have tried for years to suppress just came flooding back at light speed. I feel disoriented, and weak, and I need all of my strength for healing.

So, I’m going to sign off for now and just get on with the day. Bye !!!

Wishing I was somewhere else

Ok, today is monday and i have six days before I leave. I know this sounds really pathetic, but when Ralf left I felt lonely, and was wishing I was somewhere else. I am so surprised because I really didn’t expect to have this kind of reaction. But I suppose I got what I asked for. I asked for my heart to be opened, but now I wish it would close again. I feel like I am falling and the lack of control is frightening. I suppose a lot of residual pain is bubbling to the surface; pain left over from past relationships. God, I hope Ralf doesn’t read this. I’ll feel like such a fool. But then, who cares, right!!

So what I think I miss is the sense of connection; the feeling that someone was like me, and liked me, though to what extent I don’t know. But again, does it really matter? I may never see him again. What was really lovely, though was the fact that I could be myself, effortlessly. It was comfortable, and beautiful, and exciting. But now I feel shell-shocked, and alone, and desperately want to focus on my healing. Maybe this is all part of the healing process, and I should just allow my feelings to flow.

This whole event reminds me of a song… ‘Big Yellow Taxi’…. ‘you don’t what you’ve got till it’s gone’ …. God, I sound like a twat.

Another thing that is surprising me is that I don’t feel as connected with a certain someone I fell in love with here last year. At the beginning of this trip the feelings were still there, but something just happened along the way, and I don’t feel the same connection. Maybe I’m plugged in somewhere else. But regardless, I am here for healing, and I need to focus on just that.

I went to the Casa this morning, and meditated for a little while. The energy was so powerful, so beautiful, and I should take advantage of it all as long as I am still here.

Anyway, this blog is turning into something that it wasn’t really intended to be. But it just goes to show – no matter what you think you want to happen, life can really throw a spanner in the works, and can make you face a part of yourself that you really didn’t want to face. Thanks LIFE!

Finally, I just want to say that I believe there really is someone out there for me. For a long time, I thought that I would be by myself forever, but now I have faith that there is someone out there in the world living his own life, being himself, telling his story, and that one day we will meet, and we will know each other!

I feel happy to have had this wonderful experience, to remind me of what it feels like to have connection. It really has been a great healing!

My Final Week

So, I had a spiritual operation, which was extremely intense this time. During the procedure I asked the entities(energy beings) to knock me out so that I would sleep for most of the 24 hours of confinement in my room. Ralf, the German guy next door, hardly slept a wink.

So Ralf! Where do I begin? He may read this, if he can indeed read, so I will probably not be as candid as I want to be. I think I was falling for him big time. He has a wonderful way with him; people warm to him very quickly, which I really admire, and he was kinda cute, even for a 39 year old man. But he did fart a lot, and smelt of josticks. Obviously he thought the insense would mask the smell of shit. Sorry Ralf!!

So anyway, this doesn’t really follow on from all the spiritual stuff and healing I’ve being going on about, but you know what, the time spent with Ralf was fun, and interesting, and exciting, and I really learned a lot from him. I can’t help but wonder why we met, and why we hit it off so well. I know that people in your life are a mirror and reflect back what you indeed have within yourself. So, what I can take from my experience is that I really have some great qualities and meeting Ralf has helped me appreciate myself more. You could say that the whole experience was healing.

I am also the master of unrequited love, and absolutely terrible at reading the signs, so I may have been so off key. But regardless, I had fun, and I felt special, and for that I am so grateful.

So anyway, because I had an operation, I can’t think of sex for 8 days or go out in the direct sunlight (there goes my suntan). But I guess it’s all good.

New Friends

Ok, so since I last posted, I’ve made some new friends..I met a couple of fantastic Australian women called Louise and Julie; they’re sisters! I actually met Louise last year, and we hit it off really well then, but this time we strengthened the bond. She may read this so I will have to keep it nice.

I also have a new neighbour, called Ralf, a german guy. He’s gay and very funny, so the last week has been a real good laugh. I think there is some attraction there, but I didn’t come here for romance, and I don’t suppose he did either. But I have to wonder, why are we right next to each other in the hotel, and why have we spent so much time together. What am I to learn from this encounter. He probably doesn’t know this, but I have learned so much from him. I have developed more discipline, especially with my diet. We had a fruit day yesterday, and I stuck to it pretty well, though I did have some cake and Acai, oh and a bit of chocolate. Anyway, he’s a lovely guy, very spiritual, and kinda goodlooking.;0)

We have also been to the healing waterfall three times.. Yes, there is a healing waterfall, which is extremely cold. It really is amazing, and the energy is so powerful.

So, i’ve been here for two weeks now and I still haven’t had a spiritual operation yet. Just meditations. I guess I don’t need them this time. Is this a positive sign? Is my healing journey coming to its end( my hiv healing journey, at least). We’ll see!!!

Tomorrow beckons

Ok, today is Tuesday and tomorrow we start our intense healing again. I will go in front of John of God, and receive the appropriate healing; which may be a crystal bed, more meditation or a spiritual operation. So what happens in a spiritual operation? The people who have been selected to receive one will be ushered into the operating room, or intervention room, where we all sit closed eyed. It only lasts about 10 minutes and we then collect our herbs, which support our healing, and get a taxi back to the hotel. We are supposed to stay in our rooms for at least 24 hours so that we can receive the best healing possible. Also, our energy bodies are wide open, so if we come into contact with anyone, bearing in mind most people are sick, then we can compromise our healing and our energy. Let me tell you, it’s tough..

If you knew me, then you’d understand why I find it so hard to stay in a small room for 24 hrs, and not do anything but relax and sleep.

So this is a faint idea of what is happening here in Abadiania, at the Casa of Dom Inacio of Loyola ( or St Ignatius of Loyola). To read about it is not the same as experiencing it for yourself. How could it be, right? So if you have HIV or some other illness that the world says can’t be cured, then you always have the Casa. I was just doing a search on Google, and the amount of information on John of God is huge. So don’t wait for the solution to your problems to fall out of the sky and land in your lap. Be informed, and maybe you will be inspired, and maybe you will wake up in Abadiania one morning and know that you have made the right decision.

Of course there are other ways to heal these ‘incurables’. There are many healers and masters around the planet with extraordinary gifts. I’m just telling you about this one, because this is where I am. Have you ever thought that the greatest healer is yourSELF, and to be yourSELF is all it takes to be whole again?

Another day in paradise

So, i’ve been here for nearly a week now, and i’m really getting used to the slow pace of life. I mean, I get up, go for breakfast which consists of turkey ham, cheese, a bread roll and some fruit.. mmmm!! Then it’s back to my room to relax, then if I feel I can handle the pace, I take a walk to the Casa(where the healing mainly takes place).. oh, then it’s time for lunch, which I think is edible..I’m only joking, and stretching the truth just ever so slightly, but it is so relaxing here, which is essential for the healing to take place..

So what are you doing to improve your health? What are you leaving behind, so allowing you to move forward into perfect health? What are you thinking about on a day to day basis? Where are you placing your attention? How are you feeling from minute to minute? Are you being positive? Are you being pro-active? What kind of vision are you holding for the future? Your future!!!

Anyway, enough of the lecture!! I’ll try put some photos onto the blog tomorrow so you can see a little of Abadiania..