Another step November 27, 2007
Posted by mrpositive in energy healing, gay, gay health, gay lifestyle blogs, healing, healing blogs, health blog, hiv, hiv blog, john of god, spiritual healing.add a comment
So today is tuesday, and I’ve been working all day. Since I came back from Brazil, i’ve been quite tired, and the adjustment, although smoother this time, has still been quite difficult. I guess my energy is balancing out. What I have noticed, though, is that my diet is really quite poor. When I was in Abadiania, I ate so much healthy food, and I lost a few pounds, but now that I’m back home, I am drinking coffee again and eating less than totally healthful foods. Now that it has come into my conscious awareness, I can do something about it.
I was lying in the bath an hour ago, surrounded by candles, just allowing the warm water to dissolve all the tension I had in my body, and it occurred to me that I haven’t kissed anyone for about four or maybe five years. That makes me a little sad, though I have had more important things on my mind, like staying alive. I don’t know what made me think about kissing. Well actually that’s a lie. I was thinking about Ralf, or maybe someone else, and it struck me that I may have forgotten how to do it. I suppose it’s just like riding a bike or swimming, but I can’t help but wonder will I be shit at kissing should the opportunity ever arise again. Who knows!! Anyway, as far as Ralf is concerned, maybe it was just a holiday fling! I miss the feeling of being happy, and exhilirated, of being nervous and relaxed at the same time. I miss the connection. But I have bigger fish to fry, and life goes on. Not that I’m unhappy, because I’m not. I actually feel really good, though I could be meditating more often. I’ll start doing that tomorrow morning. I actually found my old meditation cds from when I was with Aiping, my spiritual master in London. They really are amazingly powerful.
I’m also reading an amazing ebook at the moment called ‘ A happy pocketful of money ‘. As you can guess it’s all about wealth consciousness, and how we attract not only wealth, but everything else, from health to happiness, from success to love, into our lives. It gives scientific explanations that complement and verify spiritual truth, and for some people this is really important. I don’t really need the logical proof, but i leave the pages with another perspective, and that’s a good feeling.
So anyway, I may be going back to Brazil for more healing in the spring; it’s more than likely actually. I love it there.
And so my healing journey carries on, life carries on and I am ready to take another step into tomorrow. A good future awaits.
Walk in Hope November 22, 2007
Posted by mrpositive in energy healing, gay, gay health, gay lifestyle blogs, healing, healing blogs, health blog, hiv, hiv blog, john of god, spiritual healing.2 comments
So I’ve been back home for ten days now, and to be honest, I’m finding it quite hard to adjust to the energy of my home. It feels like I have been ripped out of heaven .The energy in Abadiania this time was so powerful, but life goes on and I have to be positive. I have so much to be grateful for; my health, my healing, meeting Ralf and all the other wonderful people I met on my trip; my friends, my family. My life is good, and it amazes me to think how things were two years ago. I was an inch from death, but I never realised it at the time.
To be honest, trying to find the time and energy to focus on my coaching business is really difficult, but maybe I should just give myself a break, and relax. Everything will unfold in due course, however I don’t want to become lazy, which I can do very easily.
I had a psychic reading last week, and he told me that I am living my destiny, which is comforting to know. I knew this in my heart anyway, but to hear it from a reputable psychic is good. So anyway, I have so many ideas about my coaching business, and who will be my target market. I have chosen to be really brave and authentic and aim my business at the gay market, and hiv; I mean, I am an expert in both these areas. I know what it’s like to destroy myself, and place my attention in dark places. I know what it’s like trying to be someone I’m not, and I know how lonely life can be when there’s no love in it. And through my illness, and my recovery, I know what it’s like to break through that half inch of fear, live in possibility and walk in hope.
Blogging back to health November 16, 2007
Posted by mrpositive in energy healing, gay, gay health, gay lifestyle blogs, healing, healing blogs, health blog, hiv, hiv blog, john of god, spiritual healing.add a comment
So, i’ve been back in the UK for about 4 days now, and I feel that I’m settling back into life here. I miss the energy, and the magical quality that I felt everyday in Brazil, but I guess life goes on and I have to adjust. I feel great, though my appetite is not as good as it usually is.. I could do with losing a few pounds, so that’s not a problem.
Ralf hasn’t really been in touch, which surprises me. Maybe he’s busy, or maybe I’ve just potentially made a huge fool of myself. Telling someone you like them to their face is one thing, but on the web for the whole world to see is quite another. I feel I’ve laid myself wide open, and that I may have left myself feeling vulnerable. But such is life! So enough of my lovelife, or lack of it.
As I said, I feel great, although I feel tired too. I’ve had some great ideas for my coaching business. I’m going to start writing a Life Coaching Blog for people with hiv, in which I will give support and advice on how to recreate your life after being diagnosed. It needn’t be a lonely time of your life, like it was for me. When I was diagnosed, there was no real help; only support groups that tend to focus on the problem, and help you stay there. By the way, I’m in no way putting down support groups; they just weren’t right for me, and so I went it alone, and that was lonely! So my blog will be in place to advise, support, offer guidance, and inspiration, as well as many tools and techniques for self-empowerment.
Landed with a Thud November 14, 2007
Posted by mrpositive in energy healing, gay, gay health, gay lifestyle blogs, healing, healing blogs, health blog, hiv, hiv blog.add a comment
Ok, so I’m back home in Scotland again. The flight from brazil was ok, but I didn’t drink enough water and was really dehydrated. But life here doesn’t seem to have changed any, and every time I come home I feel like I have been ripped right of heaven. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, and in a few days I will have adjusted, but for the moment, I wish I was still in Abadiania, with Ralf, with the beautiful energy, and having nothing to do but relax, and heal.
And so I find myself back in reality. Actually I wonder which experience is the real one and which one is the drastic illusion. No, I don’t need to wonder. Brazil was real, the energy was powerful and amazing and I just wish every day could be so energetic and light.
I know I will be fine in a few days. I have a huge field of mail to plough through, and so many books to read. I also have to write marketing copy for my new website, which should be up and running in a few weeks. But for the moment, I’m going to chill. I feel disoriented, and tired, and I know if I push myself to think about my coaching practice I will just be overcome with negativity, so I’ll lay back and relax.
I do miss Ralf. I miss the connection with him, or was it the connection with my own SELF that I miss. Hopefully I will see him again. He has invited me to Germany, but we’ll see what happens. I have some time off work soon. Anyway, I shall meditate now, and relax in the confidence that I am being healed of HIV.
Have you noticed that I don’t focus too heavily on HIV? I read some blogs, and there are so many complaints about side effects of drugs and how the person’s life is shattered. I completely empathise, because I’ve been there. I nearly died, but there comes a time when you have to decide what you want from life, what you want to focus on. I choose life, and I choose love. My life is unfolding beautifully. I have strength, I have a vision of where I want to be, what I want to do and what I want to have, and I am working towards it. One of my biggest lessons in life, though, is Patience, and I don’t think I’m alone there.
bye for now!
The time has come…. November 11, 2007
Posted by mrpositive in energy healing, gay, gay health, gay lifestyle blogs, healing, healing blogs, health blog, hiv, john of god, spiritual healing.add a comment
So, today is my last day in Abadiania. I leave in a few hours, so I’ve said goodbye to the Casa, though I’m sure I’m taking a small piece of it with me. It just occurred to me that I haven’t taken any photos of anything here, but next time I will bring my camera and post some pictures so you can get a visual representation of what life is like here.
I can honestly say that life is surprising, and no matter what you consciously think you’re planning or what you feel you want, something or someone will show you that nothing is definite, and that life is a journey to be enjoyed, and respected. My time here is coming to an end, for this year at least, but I am taking home a feeling of love, and respect, and a greater sense of self-worth.
Now, it’s time to get back into a business frame of mind and start developing my Life Coaching business. I can’t wait, but I just hope that my adjustment time back at home isn’t turbulent. It has been in the past, but this is a new experience, and I am happy and alive. HIV really is the best thing that has happened to me. It has brought many lessons, and many blessings, and for this I will be eternally grateful. Of course, I created it all myself, and I accept that.
bye for now!
The Real Reason November 10, 2007
Posted by mrpositive in energy healing, gay, gay health, gay lifestyle blogs, healing, healing blogs, health blog, hiv, john of god, spiritual healing.add a comment
Ok, I’ve just been looking back at my blog, and lately it reads like a romance novel. So, to be just a bit more serious, if that is a good idea. Don’t worry, I won’t get too serious! I came here for healing of HIV, and although I may still have the virus, the entities(energy beings) are really working on so many levels, from the spiritual right down to the grass roots physical. I don’t yet have the awareness to know exactly what is going on, so I just have to believe, have faith and act like a healthy man.
My biggest healing this time was the opening of my heart, and the realisation of possibilities. Life with hiv can be a pretty loveless and lonely journey, and so for me to meet someone as special and natural as Ralf, and to feel a powerful connection was so overwhelming. At worst, I have found a good friend (what a consolation) and at best my soul mate. I may look at this blog in a few months or years and cringe, but I can only speak my truth as I see it at this moment. Life really is an endless journey, so to all those hiv’ers out there, I beg you to start living, find your way back to health, back to love. I’ve learned to start loving myself here in Abadiania, and you could too.
Life is Good November 10, 2007
Posted by mrpositive in energy healing, gay, gay health, gay lifestyle blogs, healing, healing blogs, health blog, hiv, john of god, spiritual healing.1 comment so far
Today is Saturday, and I leave tomorrow for colder and wetter climes. Fantastic! In a way, I will be glad to get home. I have a Life Coaching business that desperately wants to grow, so I need to go home and nurture it, nourish it and let it expand naturally.
So what can I take from my month in Abadiania? Well, it was like three trips all rolled into one. People come and go, and the energy changes so much. First of all, in my first week, I was close to two Australian women. Beautiful souls. I really wish them well. Louise and Julie! We had fun, and we laughed a lot. The best healer of all!
Then there was Ralf! What can I say that hasn’t already been said? We have kept in touch every day since he arrived back in Germany, and I have a strong feeling that this may be the beginning of something special. Or maybe not! Who knows? But what I can take from my experience is a huge amount of joy, fun, and dare I say it, Love!! We bonded in such a beautifully surprising way. I was totally being myself, and I think he was too, but you know what holiday romances are like! They’re amazing whilst you’re still on holiday but when you see each other again, it’s shit, and you wonder why you ever liked the person in the first place. Well, that is my experience anyway. But this time it may be different. We weren’t really on holiday. This was a spiritual, healing retreat.
But you know what? I’m going to take it easy. My heart was opened, and I think I have a lot of ghosts to put to rest and a lot of forgiving to do; starting with myself. Ralf was a shining light that helped me see what is possible. Am I being too romantic? Who knows?
Anyway, never mind! I leave tomorrow and my journey back home is a long one. But this chapter has been beautiful, and I am so grateful to have met some amazing people. Life is good!!
So, if anyone with hiv is reading this, then let me tell you that after you get over the shock, get back on your feet and start living your life. Life can be beautiful, if you open yourself to possibility. Live in possibility, thrive in the passion, and be who you were born to be. Sounds off the wall to some people, and to others impossible. But you create your life. So start creating something special, something sacred. You never know what will happen. I wish you well!
Who’s to blame for my shame? November 8, 2007
Posted by mrpositive in gay, gay health, healing, health blog, hiv, john of god, spiritual healing.add a comment
Well, it’s still thursday and I’ve just come back from the Casa, after seeing John of God. I was in what you call the Revision line, which is basically an energy check-up to see if my operation from last week went okay.
After the operation, it’s important to keep your sexual energy down, but it’s been so hard, if you know what I mean. I don’t think I’ve ever been so horny in all my life. But the entity just looked at me and smiled. But it didn’t stop me from still feeling shame! I guess even spiritual people are allowed to have a hard-on.
Anyway, my time here is nearly over for another six months or so, and in a way I will be glad to get home to see my friends and family, though I will miss the relaxed pace of life in Brazil. But everytime I go home I take a piece of it with me.
If anyone is serious about transforming their life, or maybe have a disease that doctors say is ‘incurable’ then I would recommend you research John of God, and jump on a plane and get here as soon as you can.
It’s good to take a step back November 8, 2007
Posted by mrpositive in gay, gay health, healing, health blog, hiv, john of god, spiritual healing.add a comment
So, today is thursday and the casa healing days have started again. I was in current this morning (meditating), receiving some very powerful energy. I asked the entities for some clarity and balance, and to help me get things back into perspective. I also asked them to heal old relationship issues and insecurities that sometimes rear their ugly heads.
So anyway Ralf has been in touch a few times, and it’s been really nice talking to him again. But I feel that I have been getting so carried away with all the excitement of meeting such a wonderful person, that I have lost some sense of balance, dare I call it self-control. I know he may be reading this, like all the other posts he has read. But as I don’t want to scare the poor guy off, I think it might be good to take a step back. The thing is, I haven’t really conncected with anyone for such a long time, even years before I got sick, and so for this to happen, well it’s quite shocking to say the least. Maybe I should just go with the flow and let life happen; the same advice I give to all my clients. Did I mention that I am a Life Coach??
You know, it’s really funny. I came here for healing, and I got so much more. I got the opportunity to meet a great guy, open my heart, and potentially make a great friend. This really is a huge factor in my healing process. The reason, as far as I’m aware, that I contracted hiv was that I was so unhappy, couldn’t connect with anyone, and was totally closed down. Was I searching for love, and confusing it with sex? Was I reaching out, trying to find some connection, but just looking in the wrong place? Who knows? But what I do believe is that I have had so many gifts in life and have chosen to see them as obstacles, hindrances, and disasters. Every day is a gift! It’s all a question of perspective.
So what I can take away from my time here in Abadiania is that I had a wonderful experience. All the boxes were ticked; even boxes I never knew were on the page, and for this I am so grateful. Nevertheless, it’s good to stand back and gain some clear perspective. Life goes on, and I have a virus to say goodbye to and a business to develop. But I can take comfort in the fact that I experienced something beautiful and natural, and when it comes around again, I’ll recognise it. God knows, it took me long enough this time!
Going through the motions November 6, 2007
Posted by mrpositive in Uncategorized.add a comment
Ok, so today is the last free day before healing starts again, and it’s pissing down. It’s still quite warm, so I can’t really complain.
So, is this post going to be about Ralf again? I don’t think so! But I do still miss the closeness, that lovely exciting feeling that I had all last week. When I wake up in the morning, I forget for just a second that he’s no longer in the next room, but then reality sets in, and I feel less than totally enthralled about spending my days going through the motions.
And you know what, everytime I fart, i just can’t help but think of him. Who says romance is dead??
In a way, I hope he never reads this, because I sound like a right nutter! But I just can’t get over how much fun I had, and how those feelings that I have tried for years to suppress just came flooding back at light speed. I feel disoriented, and weak, and I need all of my strength for healing.
So, I’m going to sign off for now and just get on with the day. Bye !!!
